Deep Thoughts

What I'd really like to do right now is just laugh off my little experiment and go back to believing that this is all just a silly exercise in futility.  But I can't.  Not when I'm just getting started. 

When I lived in Oklahoma and decided to move to Raleigh I must have faxed or emailed at least 50 resumes to Raleigh area law firms trying to land a paralegal position.  Days, weeks, months passed without even 1 response.  It was a pretty quick trip to "it's just not going to happen for me" land.  I seem to always have my bags packed and ready to go. 

Then I got a break.  A week or so before I was to leave for North Carolina I got a phone call from a law office manager asking me to come in for an interview when I got into town.  I was extatic.  I called the number back, confirmed the name of the firm with the receptionist, researched it and decided that it was the firm for me.  I was golden.  I interviewed the week after I got to town and felt great.  I was on it, man.  I was charming and confident and had on a fabulous dress.  I definitley brought my A game.

I got a call 3 or 4 days later telling me that it had been a close decision but that they had decided to go with someone with more experience.  Crash.  What now?  I immediately got on the bus back to "not gonna happen" land prepared for a permanent vacation.  Nobody wanted me because I was too inexperienced, too divorced, too single mom, too Sarah.  I could really have used a drink, but all my sister had in her house (where me and my girls were living) was some ol' peach moonshine (or was it white lightning?) that her husband had procured from somewhere or another.  I mean I tried it.  I was that desperate.  But it was a no-go.  So I went and filled out an application for employment at Starbucks instead.

You won't believe what happened the next day.  I was driving back to my sister's house from her neighborhood pool and my cell phone rang.  It was Wendi, the law firm office manager.  The person they had decided to go with had second thoughts about committing herself to a full time job and the firm wanted to know if I was still interested in the position.  Duh!  So here I sit right this very minute in "the firm for me" almost three years later.  This job was mine before I even applied for it.  I didn't know it was coming.  It was one of many faceless positions that I applied for.  It took me on a rollercoaster ride for sure.  But I wanted it, I worked for it, I went for it and I got it.  Then I drove to it, decorated my cubicle in it, snuck in after hours to use the bathroom in it . . . 

So I am going to plan my next man-meeting-mission this afternoon, knowing that there is stuff that I can't see or predict and that anything can happen at any time.  I'll let you know tomorrow what I come up with.