Monday, February 22, 2010

Sliding Glass Doors and Other Short Stories

Previously on Man of the Week Club:
  • I made my first attempt at talking to a stranger, it was quite saucy.
  • I took the first steps on the journey to (voluntary) community service.
  • I paid a Sunday morning visit to Barnes & Noble to exercise my flirting muscles.
  • I opened my eyes to opportunities for interaction where they would not have otherwise occured to me (I didn't write about that one, but it happened and it's important to today's quasai-adventure).
I'll update you on a couple of things before I get to what I really want to tell you.  First, ME-3 emailed me and they are excited to talk with me further about writing for their publication.  I am too!

Second, my mission to B&N was not as successful as I had anticipated, but it was not completely in vain.  There weren't many people there (I'll have to experiment with finding the hours for optimal flirtage), but there was this one guy.  He was just your average Joe, but my friend Tanya and I had been there for quite a while at this point and the time for pussy-footing around had passed.  I walked over to him, eyeing his red shorts with mild curiosity.  I stood beside him waiting for some inspiration when I saw a book about adding custom decks to your home.  I actually want to remodel my deck, so I grabbed the book.  The pictures were beautiful but way out of my budget.  I put the book back and said "I wish they'd make a book about adding a deck to a $120K dollar house instead of a $500k house!"  He looked at me and chuckled.  He might have said "yeah" or something polite along those lines.  I can't rememeber if we made eye contact, but he did do a double take and checked me out before I walked away.  I'll take that!

Well, that story was longer than I thought it would be.  I hope I didn't bore you!  I would end here, but I have to tell you about what happened today.  It became necessary to run to a local bank and open up a new checking account over my lunch hour.  I wasn't crazy about the idea of having to leave the office while it was raining outside but then I saw a glimmer of sun.  Not real sun, just the figurative sun that shines its light on a world of possibilities.  I had talked earlier to a nice young man at the bank over the phone, and I began to envision that this guy might be my soul mate and that fate had arranged this situation to bring us together!

I didn't get to see the man I had spoken with, but another assistant branch manager, who happened to be kind of cute, welcomed me into his office.  His last name was Boone.  My grandmother is a Boone.  I thought that this might be an interesting ice breaker, then decided against it.  Insinuating that we might be kinfolk would have been devastating to any chance I might have had.  I didn't think we really were related.  There are lots of Boone's you know. Putting the possibility out there, however, would have just shut things right down.  Don't you think?

Instead I smiled and tried to act as single as possible.  He gave me his busines card.  I made an instant decision that after I got back to the office I would email him to let him know what a pleasure it was to meet him and to thank him for all of his help. We finished up our business, stood and shook hands, and I walked out of his office with a sultry, yet subtle, sway.  I sashayed up to the sliding glass doors, and to my surprise they didn't open. 

I studied them up close for a second, why I don't know.  Then I backed up and tried again, thinking that maybe I had come in at the wrong angle.  Still nothing.  I backed up once more and turned around to see if anyone would offer an explanation.  One odd glance was all I got.  I turned back around to the door and then remembered that they weren't sliding glass doors after all.  I quickly pushed the door open and walked out to my car, this time without the sway.

I'm not sure if Mr. Boone saw me trying to will the doors to open with my mind.  I have not sent that follow up email.


  1. Ohhh, as I was reading that story and got to you exiting the bank with your best swagger, I was so envisioning you running INTO the sliding glass doors. Now THAT would have been a story! Glad you didn't though. =)